Before I got sick, everyone always
said they'd be there for me though thick and thin, no matter what.
That we'd always be friends that they'd always be my siblings, or i'd
always be their daughter, that we'd always do things together and
never grow apart. Well I've learned in the past year and a half, that
people lie. Maybe not to hurt you, but they can't keep promises they
made years ago. And that's just something I have come to accept as
hard as that may be at times.
For the past year and half I
have suffered from many health and mental problems. Now, you can
laugh and point fingers, but that won't help you any. I no longer
care what people think of me. Since I was diagnosed with some pretty
serious health issues, I've become kind of a shut in. Partly because
I cannot do what I used to, and partly because I chose to be alone
then have fake friends who are only around to make themselves look
good helping "the sick girl,".
I have many
limitations and restrictions because of my health. I want you to
think of all your favorite foods. Pizza, pasta, chili, salad,
tomatoes, chocolate. Now I want you to think of how you'd feel never
being able to eat those things again. That's how life is for me
now. A special diet so I don't get sicker and have my body become
swollen and inflamed. And don't forget the almost unbearable pain
24/7 and more infections then I care to count. And that's only the
start of my illnesses. But that's not something you'd care to hear.
Well, where are you now? What happened to "I'm always
there for you no matter what."? Oh right, when I got sick, you
were there. But the more time that went by and the more times I rain
checked going out, the more you stopped calling, stopped checking in
and before I knew it, that was it. No more calls or you to even check
in once a month if that. You were just gone. All because I got sick
and you couldn't handle me not going out and being the person I used
to be. And I found out much later that you were only there near the
end because it made you look good helping "the sick girl".
Hanging out with me, doing what my limitations would allow day to
day. Well guess what? I don't need you here anymore. I've learned to
be strong again. And this time, I'm stronger because of me. Because
of what I go through. Its changed me. But you know what? I think its
for the better. I know what is important and for the first time in my
life, I'm putting me first. It was always everyone first and then if
I had time, I'd help myself. But now it's my turn. Time for me to be
who I am and focus on dealing with the life that has been harshly
handed to me.
You may hate that its no longer you first. But
guess what? Illnesses change people. Not because we want to change,
but because sometimes to deal with what's going on, the best way is
to change, to become someone different. Someone who is stronger and
can deal with everything.
