Over the past ten years, my whole
life has changed and most of the credit goes to my grandma. She
raised me from the time I was ten till I was seventeen.
In the beginning, I was an angry kid, always yelling and destroying everything that I could just because I wanted to see how far I could push her before she's send me back to my parents. Lying, stealing, hiding alone in my room. Blasting music just because I wanted to. And later, later is the part I regret most of all. I spent many months over the space of four years in and out of a mental hospital for teens. I was depressed and had attempted suicide multiple times for the stupidest reasons that I no longer remember.
Little did I know, I'd come to regret those early years every day for the rest of my life.
When I finally saw that she was amazing and only wanted what was best for me, I felt so much regret for the things that I had done and the things that I had said. And the worst part? We may have gotten past it all and forgiven each other, but now she's going away for good and I can't take it back. I have time to make things right with her before she passes away. I am grateful for that, but I really don't know how I will make it without her. She helped me so much in just this past year with everything that has been happening. My life, my marriage, and just anything that I needed. And it kills me to think that I won't be able to just pick up the phone and call her for advice anymore.
She jokes to try and lighten the mood when we are together, but it just makes it harder.
In the beginning, I was an angry kid, always yelling and destroying everything that I could just because I wanted to see how far I could push her before she's send me back to my parents. Lying, stealing, hiding alone in my room. Blasting music just because I wanted to. And later, later is the part I regret most of all. I spent many months over the space of four years in and out of a mental hospital for teens. I was depressed and had attempted suicide multiple times for the stupidest reasons that I no longer remember.
Little did I know, I'd come to regret those early years every day for the rest of my life.
When I finally saw that she was amazing and only wanted what was best for me, I felt so much regret for the things that I had done and the things that I had said. And the worst part? We may have gotten past it all and forgiven each other, but now she's going away for good and I can't take it back. I have time to make things right with her before she passes away. I am grateful for that, but I really don't know how I will make it without her. She helped me so much in just this past year with everything that has been happening. My life, my marriage, and just anything that I needed. And it kills me to think that I won't be able to just pick up the phone and call her for advice anymore.
She jokes to try and lighten the mood when we are together, but it just makes it harder.
No comments:
Post a Comment